And Still She Smiles
by r'n'rb
Summary: A Collection Of Starfire centric oneshots , and poems . Sad, happy, good, bad ... see a different side of that ravishing red head .
1. First X

**FIRST KISS   
**

I'd like to say the our first kiss was

Passionate , moving

A warm embrace filled with adoration

As the sun set behind us

What a lovely fantasy that had been...

* * *

Hell, I'd even be happy if the kiss had been intentional

Awkward but purposeful

A meeting of lips so delicate and naïve

Arms loosely linked , fingers entwined.

I'd like to say that our first kiss

Enchanting , mesmerizing

Or bashful and subdued

…that could work.

* * *

Anything but the stumbling of my feet

As I tripped over Beast Boys game controller

Anything but crunch I heard as I landed on the boy wonder

And our lips smashed together

Anything but the "oops sorry" afterwards

(Cue the incessantness blushing

And embarrassed psycho babble )

* * *

I'd like to say that our first kiss was really

A first kiss.

…..I like to dream

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_AN : and i'd like to say that i spent alot of time and effort on that one shot but then i'd be lying , So behold the 2 minuit one shot i thought of while in a dayquill induced stupor ._

_-A _


	2. Cloud Nine

**CLOUD NINE

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**

Phoomph…

She stretches out on her bed , arching her back and pointing her toes . She smiles, the cherry corners of her mouth pointing skywards, she holds her drawn out position and then lets out a breath, collapsing into a heap , jiggling her limbs and shaking her head.

Letting it all hang out .

A giggle escapes her mouth, giddy and excited, quickly the giggle morphs into a full fledged laugh her hands clutched to her sides as she quakes with joyous.

Sighing , she tries to contain and collect herself , she places her thumb between her teeth biting it gently as she attempts to hold in her glee …to no apparent avail.

She gives in to her jollity almost at once , letting out a cry of delight and soaring off the frilly covers of her bed . Her smile blaring full force , she lightly touches down on the carpet, letting her the tips of her toes graze the cream fabric.

And she dances , a crazed merriment filled jig ; arms flailing over head , her legs flicking out in all directions , reveling in her glee induced enchantment.

Calming herself slightly she floats over to the mirror , leaning in so her nose just brushes the cold reflective surface. She slowly rids her face of her smile, her ecstatic mood revealed only by the exultant, euphoric light flashing in her jade eyes.

" Robin" She says, her voice quiet, shaking with anticipation .The warmth of her breath fogs up the mirror and her mouth twitches at the corners , as she desperately tries to hold the smile back.

"Asked me out !" And the smile returns full force as she finishes her sentence with a girly squeak.

Grinning jubilantly, she flops down onto her bed, grabs a pillow and hugs it tightly to her chest; letting out one last elated squeal.

Never has she been this thrilled, never has she been this content.

_She has flown all over the universe , but only now has she been to cloud nine._

_

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An: YAY an actual happy one ,...my 350 word starfire HAPPY drabble. i'm really enjoying writing this fic because there is no real pressure and therefor it inspires me to write . I also love writing this because the stories are quick and painless and really come from a personal muse , from my heart._

_now this one definetly not my best, i'd say chapter 1 is but thats just my oppinion , the real oppinion belongs to YOU readers: who i'm going to take the time to thank...now!

* * *

_

_Blah: Your reviews are anything but blah , thank you thank you thank you , and yes SF will have an update i promise._

_Super Chocolate Bear: I appreciate your reviews so much , and i must say your extremlely talented in the writing department._

_Valda: Wow i've never been bowed to befor ...hehe i kinda like it , but really i'm not amazing ...you are!_

_I feel afully randome: I made you stare in wonder ...cool . No really though thanks soo much_

_The Last: yeah my punctuation and grammar could use some work, its really just lazyness on my behalf . Thank you so much for reviewing ._

_and finally :_

_Spoonvonstup: You are such an amzing writer , i love your Dribble Drabbles , its one of my favorite stories to read , thank you so so so much.

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_

_All right, I do believe the rest is up to you ...ahem review , the review/ hit ratio is way to off balance so please please review._

_-Ani ( 2 updates in one day wahoo) _


	3. Perfectionist Limbo

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**I am this close to deleting this ...it's old and unhappy but it's not on my computer any more so I'm saving it in limbo here...**

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_AN, This contains refrences and scenes dealing with Eating Disorders , and could be potentially triggering to those suffering or recovering from one. To those who are uncomfortable with this issue don't flame, just don't read ._

**Perfection

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**

The porcelain tiles were cold; She winces as her bare legs touch them shivers coursing through her body. She sighs and rub her arms, willing away the goose bumps that covered them; She has much more important things to do than worry about the cold.

But it was so cold, more so as of late. Even the pants under her uniform weren't working anymore, not the scarf around her neck nor the sweatshirt over her halter, but the cold, she supposed wasn't her only reason for my change in garments, for her garments also hid her fat.

No, the cold is just another minor setback , a taste of pain to keep her from perfection.

_This is pain, but pain is beauty. And beauty is perfection._

"An apple" She mumbles quietly to the icy air, resting her head against the toilet seat. That was all she has eaten today.

An apple will set her back days though; will set her back days of discipline and days of the comforting growl of hunger.

An apple will sit in her stomach soaking up the acids that should be burning her right now. And she needs to burn, for failing to catch slade, for failing to capture Robin's heart and attention but most of all for failing to be thin.

An apple will sit in her stomach only hours but will sit on her thighs, her hips, her waist and her arms…forever. She couldn't have that she was already fat enough as she was.

Any fatter and she wouldn't be able to fly , sometimes she's surprised that she can fly considering how fat she it.

"But is it really worth it all ?"She asks aloud , the same question she asks every night , every morning and every afternoon . Is just an apple really worth the mess, the gagging , and the queasy sickness afterwards?

She already knows the answer , it's the same every time.

_Yes, it is worth it, its painful Starfire. But pain is beauty. And beauty is perfection._

She moves, her elbows clacking loudly with the rim of the toilet seat as she rests them on the edge . She pulls her hair back with her left hand , shuffling her knees forward as she does so , getting a little closer to the toilet.

Down goes one finger, and followed by another twisting down her mouth and into the back of her throat . Then comes the retching; the coughing and spluttering, the heaving stomach and watering eyes.

She ignores it though , the pain , and plows on shoving her fingers down farther and farther.

Her stomach heaves violently and then finally reward.

Vomit.

Partially digested apple chunks floating in the toilet bowl coated in saliva and bile or some bodily fluid.

A weary smile flits across her face, a small look of triumph in her eyes and then she bends down again sticking her fingers in her mouth once more.

She doesn't stop , even as the volume of food spewing out of her mouth decreases , she continues to purge her self only stopping when nothing but bile comes up . Bile mixed with blood.

Slowly she gets up, her limbs shaking . She turns towards the counter, wiping off her mouth as she does so.

She stares longingly at her reflection in the mirror atop the counter. Focusing hopelessly on the flaws, her pale skin, her once fiery red hair now scraggily and dull, and of course, her fat.

Her pounds and pounds of extra fat. The fat that wouldn't go away no matter how little she ate , if at all, no matter how much she worked out , the hours and hours of running , sit ups and not to mention fighting crime.

It was her enemy, her greatest foe and it stayed with her no matter how much she tried to defeat is it stayed, sitting on her legs , arms and chest like and ugly incurable cancer.

_But you can cure it Starfire, you just need to work harder no matter how much it hurts. Because pain is beauty and beauty is perfection._

She strips off her clothes, tossing them carelessly onto the floor and turns to face the mirror once more .

Fatness sneers back her, the two bumps on her chest leering, the slight curve of her hips teasing and taunting . Fatness glares at her. The same fatness that makes Robin not like her , the same fatness that makes her ugly and friendless. For the other Titans cannot possibly like someone so fat can they?

She turns away from the mirror, looking at herself makes her feel sick with guilt, guilt over today's apple and yesterday's lettuce leaf.

She turns to face her next enemy, the scale laughing pathetically at the fact that her greatest fear lies not on a jail cell or in the dark but rather in her own room on a little platform with numbers. Reluctantly she steps on to the said platform.

103.

She whimpers, and slumps to the cold floor , defeated.

Four more pounds , Four more pounds and then she'd be at two digits, then maybe she wouldn't have to worry as much about the hideous fat covering her body four more pounds and then maybe she would feel ok .

Goose bumps form at a rapid pace, all over her naked body which shakes as she shivers , jolting every once in a while as a sob rakes through her .

Closing her eyes she lets out a shaky breath, she was close to her goal, closer then when she had started. But now 99 didn't seem like thin enough, then again how would she know. She was still fat she still weighed three digits. She knew though, that she could be thinner , it was just a matter of effort and obviously she wasn't working hard enough .

There were questions now, about her health. Just yesterday, Beast Boy had asked if something was wrong and the day before that Robin had asked if she wanted time off, she had just smiled and said a polite no while her mind reeled. Was she really that fat that it was affecting the team enough for Robin to want her to quit?

She stares up at the white ceiling , tears trickling down the side of her face and onto the floor. She tries to remember a time before it was like this, before she had waged this war against food, this war against fat, her fat. She can't.

The tears continue to fall, she lets a quiet sob rake through her. Slowly she trails a finger across the tiles, tracing the grooves in between each square. Silently she revels in the cold, the soreness of her throat , the burning in stomach and the pain in her heart the pain makes her stronger.

_This is pain, but pain is beauty. And beauty is perfection._

And soon she would be perfect.

There would be no apples for her tomorrow.


	4. Childish

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Hey I'm posting twice in two days , thats a first for me ) . 

Okay so this is written for And Still She Smiles , this will not exactly fit in with the flow of the fic because its written in the perspective of bb as well. However the plot revolves mainly around her and I started this fic with her in mind , thus it goes into this fic.

Title: Childish

Author: Ani

Summary : Two lost friends find solace together after an tragic evening for Star. A Friendship one shot , centered around Bb and Star.

Warnings: pg.13

Here goes nothing.

* * *

**CHILDISH**

Tears.

He circles his arm around her shoulders, the emerald of his skin contoured around her pale form. He tries to offer what comfort he can. As much comfort as one scared little boy; trying to fix, trying to please, can. He knows now is not the time for humour, so he wisely holds his tongue.

And he waits.

His thumb grazes and circles the soft skin on her arm, and he waits. There is silence all around, broken only by her intermittent sobs, which shake her physically, which shake her emotionally – which shake him emotionally.

And She cries.

While he waits.

And then there nothing, nothing but his steady breathing, nothing but her shallow post crying inhalations and exhalations. And she waits. And waits for him to offer more comfort, for now his arms are not enough.

More.

So he prepares to speak, his stomach tensing in apprehension, praying not to say the wrong thing. And questioning himself – does he really want to know?

He lets out a shaky breath , and he speaks .

"what happened Star?"

A deafening silence answers . And then her sobs start again.

He cringes , he said the wrong thing.

But then she answers , her voice raspy, awkward and timid.

" It was supposed to be …perfect …he…I" her words are laced with disappointment and far in between, interrupted by hiccupping cries.

He says nothing, and tightens his grip.

He is there.

He is there , for her.

She takes a steadying breath, and plows on.

"It was supposed to be perfect, and at the start it was. And X'hal, I was so excited, my first earthen 'date', and it was to be with Robin. I believed he was joyous too, but perhaps not in such a way that I expected. It was…." She trails off, shy and hurt.

He takes his spare arm and wraps it around her waist, now curious, he wants to know more.

"Star, what happened"

This time there is no pause, this time the answers come, and he begins to wish he never asked.

She speaks.

"We started the dating at a restaurant, it was more ….fancy than the pizza parlor. It was beautiful, he was beautiful. Everything …it….how you say…it flowed, our words that we exchanged were filled with mirth and what I believed was adoration , he held my hand at one point , while we were finishing dessert . He held my hand and looked into my eyes and he said …"

She pauses for a moment, collecting herself , a few tears escape her eyes but she continues , heedless.

"He said that he had been wanting to ask me out for so long, and that he was glad that he did. I was filled with such joy, it was as if my dreams were coming true . Then it changed – he changed . Suddenly he was tugging my hand , ' lets get out of here ,Star' he had said and as he took me from the table . And then we were in park and he kissed me.

He look's down at her face, smiling ruefully as she loses her self in a memory.

" Oh Beast Boy, he kissed me and it was like everything I had ever imagined and more"

Her tone darkens, and she grew suddenly mournful.

He tenses with a nervous apprehension as she spoke again.

" But then it wasn't just us participating in the kissing. Suddenly I was up against a tree. It was not what I expected. The bark was hurting my back , I could feel it scraping against me, I kept trying to tell Robin to stop…but our mouths were still kissing so I could not utter a sound… His hands were everywhere , in places I blush to say . And he was rough with me, like I was some unfeeling object and then he…"

A silent sob shakes through her, disrupting her tale.

His thumb no longer caresses her arm, instead he feels his grip turn hard, and an anger foreign to him begins to seep into him. He is no fool, he knew what she was mourning , the only question was how far had it gone…

"what did he do?"

Her sobbing now becomes audible , as she tries to squeeze the words out amidst her grief.

Star, What did he do to you?"

Slowly she begins to speak again, her words fragmented by her tears .

" I did realize that at one point , we would as you earthlings say, take the next step. But not yet " her tears fell harder " X'hal , Beast Boy , we're only fourteen , it was our first date ….my first kiss …..How was I to know that his hands…. That his hand would soon be tugging down my skirt, that my shirt would be violently ripped away . And all the while his mouth covering my protest's , and the bark it hurt and my heart …it hurt even more so."

She pauses, and looks up at him, begging him to understand. She continues again, her thoughts more rational, more collected.

"I knew of this, I did want this to happen sometime in our courtship but not then , not so young and not in a park"

He closes his eyes, trying to shake the image she created …this could not have happened not to Starfire, not to his little star.

She breathes deeply, calming herself, telling herself it's all over, its all over now. Continuing with a braveness that did not come with fighting crime, but with the strength of the heart that has endured.

"He reached for my underwear, it was like he was no longer Robin but this shadow of ….need , and desire."

Hate fills his eyes, he wishes he were strong enough to confront his leader.

Still she continues,

" All I remember feeling was fear and hurt, so much hurt. And suddenly I could take no more… and then he was tripping backwards as I pushed and I was whispering 'stop…no more …no more…stop'. The look on his face was one I have never seen before. I cannot rightly put a single emotion to it. But his words, they cut deeper than all the hurt ' Star' he said and he cursed ' your too young , too young for me' and he walked away shouting ' grow up' before he fled completely."

She's not sobbing anymore and her words lack emotion.

Forlorn.

" Then it was over , and I was left crying and alone, picking up my scattered clothes and walking home….for I could not muster the joy to fly"

"and now" she gestures around the room with one hand " I'm here".

And she hurts.

And He hurts for her.

He says nothing, at a loss for words . Silent and continuing to cradle her , trying to help. But what does he know he tells himself belittlingly , he is the young naive one, his comfort is offered in warm jokes and laughter. But there is no laughter here.

They sit in silence, his thin green arms around her pale peach ones , heads bowed against one another.

She remembers.

And he thinks.

She remembers and feels hurt.

He thinks and begins to wonder.

She remembers, and feels hurt. She remembers and feels childish and naive.

He thinks and begins to wonder. He begins to wonder and realizes, that time wont heal this, that no amount of talking and regretting will help either, and substances made for forgetting will only worsen this all .

She remembers that it was only hours ago that she was happy in her own skin. She remembers and feels childish , naïve and wonders if she needs to 'do the growing up'.

He thinks, he wonders, he realizes and he knows. He knows that it is the childlike naivety that will save and heal.

She remembers just how much she loves Robin and just how much she is willing to sacrifice…for him

The innocence so strong in both himself and Star will help bring joy to even the darkest situations and he realizes that its his turn to take the lead and save her . Its his turn to save the starry-eyed childishness that Robin unknowingly crushed . And he realizes just how much he loves her, not a romantic way but in a way that will be forever constant, that will forever be there to pick her up when she falls. And She falls.

For he knows now, that Robin will apologize and in time she will forgive him. He knows now that not long after that Robin and she will try to start anew.

Love.

He knows now that he will be the one, not Raven. Not Cyborg, no he, Beast Boy will be the one she turns to when Robin has hurt her , or when she's hurt him. He knows that as their relationship progresses some of her naivety will fade and she will mature . But he knows now that as long as they remain close, their innocence will never, ever die. Ever.

He sits up and takes her hand, smiling , offering what little comfort he can. What little comfort. He leads her towards the kitchen, offering all his comfort.

" C'mon Star, I 'd like to introduce you to my friends Ben and Jerry , their very , very cool and they can make cheering up just that much easier". He feels himself slipping back into his comfortable stasis of good natured humour . He smiles and looks for the ice cream. He smiles.

She nods placidly and grabs two bowls from the cupboard watching him has he reaches for the ice cream. She sets the bowls down on the table. Still in need of solace. Still in need of a friend.

Comfort.

She walks over to him, watching as he looks at her nervously. She leaps up, wrapping her arms around his neck, reveling in his comfort as his hands make their way around her waist. And she smiles, unlatching herself from in, with the knowledge that he will always be there.

Always.

They sit down at the counter, and he dishes out the ice cream. They sit and eat quietly.

They sit and remember.

They sit and think.

They sit and wonder.

They sit and they hope.

Together, beacons of innocence and joy in an ever changing world.

Always.

He breaks the silence …

" hey Star , Did I ever tell you about the chicken who crossed the road?"

She smiles.

Always.

* * *

So its a little sappy but I wanted to write something other than a peom , however poems at the moment are what I'm most comfortable writing so who knows ... 

Thank you for taking the timet read my works , if you could drop a review that would be super amazing , and I in turn will take the time to reply and review some of your works.

Merci

Love

-Ani


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